sequence of events

There has been a constant battle of heart and mind within the past few months. My heart saying "Obey the lord and start my direction into the ministry." My mind saying "Go to college for a career." This may seem like an easy decision for some, but not so much for me. I have been surrounded by so many different influences that have bogged me down to where I couldn't hear the voice of god any more. I am finally beginning to hear the voice of god on my own and beginning to find clarity and confidence in my destiny.

Saturday I was slipping into a down and depressed mood, angry at everything and everyone, and I couldn't shake it. I came straight home from work, laid on the couch and passed out! After taking an insanely long nap I woke up and was still in an ill mood. Luckily nobody was home for me to take it out on. My Family and friends all went to go see Kari Jobe in concert, unfortunately, I couldn't because of work. When My family came home I listened to them talk about how awesome it was and inside I was throwing a tantrum because I wanted to be there. My mom bought all of the Kari Jobe CD's including my favorite, Throne Room. When I went to bed I grabbed this CD, popped it in and began to weep. Crying out to god! I haven't had peace about my decision of going to college. I didn't even feel like I was supposed to go into the ministry anymore either and I was so confused. The scripture Acts 27 popped in my head, now mind you I don't read my bible to often, but, in obedience to what I was hoping was god I started reading. At first I thought "this has nothing to do with me, I'll just read a Psalms and call it a night" but something told me to keep reading. I saw a title " The Storm" and started reading from there. It was about these men on a ship and they get caught in a storm. After several days of being stuck out in the rain they began to throw cargo and equipment over board. a few men tried to get on life boats and depend on themselves for safety but Paul prophesied that if they were to leave no one would survive. Days later they found land and everyone was safe. Okay, so maybe this wasn't a scripture that I pulled out of the air.

Sunday I went to church early for worship practice and DID NOT want to be there. Tried to get out of it every way I could. When the service started and I actually began I worshiped wholeheartedly and felt better. The sermon was about taking extraordinary measures when you are in a hard time, to take risks and trust that god will not leave you, to always have faith. This really spoke to me but I hadn't fully grasped the concept. I was supposed to go to youth group that night and once again I tried getting out of, but didn't. I went and so glad I did. We just had a time of prayer, praying over everyone. When I got in the middle of the circle I immediately began to cry because the purpose was for my future. Pam prayed, then Angela and both of them were definitely right on with what I was going through. But they moment god blew me away was when Mrs. Erika came up and looked me in my eyes and said everything that was on my heart. I mean everything. She doesn't even know me that well! She told me that September 26 was the day I started doing what god wanted and began to take the steps.

So lets just say things are about to change. I am about to be pushed out of my comfort zone. The month of October is dedicated to hear gods voice on where I am going. Funny thing is Monday Saitan already started trying to tear me down. Finding out all these different expenses I have to handle that overwhelmed me to the max!! I prayed and god peacefully said "don't let finances be a worry". So that is one less burden off my shoulders. God has already told me where I am going but I am still praying and seeking god as much as I can this month especially.

Amongst all of these events of the past week, god is revealing things that he has told me in the past and it has all built up to this moment..